About sex in shorter and longer term relationships

I hope to offer a different perspective on sex, in general, but also in long term relationships.

The literature is full of that but maybe few realise it. Sex is not about penetrating. Sex is a game...is the adult play, how I like to call it. Is that moment of profound vulnerability and connection in which you let yourself discovered exactly the way you are, with all your senses.

That time, when you're living for yourself, not for the other! That time when you're not chasing for a goal, but having the deepest connection you can have, with yourself and that follows a perfect synchronization with the other person.

It is not about penetrating, it is not about performing, it is not about satisfying yourself or the other person, but it is about showing yourself as you are...and seeing the other person as they are. It is about playing and discovering yourself, while the other is playing and discovering himself discovering yourself, as well. And together, both of them create a dance of senses.

It is a game of delaying and creating pleasure. It is a game of senses, but also of feeling. It is a game of trust. Because first of all, it requires trust. A lot of trust.

We all need a lot of trust to be ourselves, especially in our sexual experiences.

The trust that we are liked and accepted the way we are. The trust that we can be ourselves.

And there's a more evolutionary aspect to this. Man like to hunt. And women like to be hunted, chased. Therefore....when making love, you build up the attraction, especially in long term relationships. And that follows a process as well...it intensifies, then it goes down....and then it starts again intensifying until it reaches a peak.

In short term relationship, attraction usually goes by default, or so it seems. As it happens more naturally...due to distance, or due to fantasies, or due to the mystery, the unexpected or to unmet needs of bonding.

But in long term relationships, attraction is built up...I like this wording: that the foreplay starts as soon as the previous sex play is over. And this is how it is, in many situations.

Of course, when having small kids, things are a bit more complicated and time is very short...so all these phases get subsequent quite fast and it's hard to make room or grant the necessary time, at the right time. But not impossible. It is still the place where 2 people meet with their vulnerable self. They are those stolen moments for beeing vulnerably connected to your partner! And although difficult, sometimes, that can have its charm

It can create mystery, it can reignite attraction.

But that can be turned into a foreplay, into a game. A game of chasing, a game of beeing seen...Amd that requires sometimes, humor, sometimes...just moving on, sometimes just going with the flow...tasting it until you catch the smell of it, especiallt if it has been a long time.

But it does not mean giving up. It means having it a priority or one of them. As it is one of the things that bonds us ...sometimes the only play we still have access to, as adults or as parents having kids and a lot of responsibilities. But it is that playfull, that creative part of us...that can get revealed during making love with a dear one.

Basically, when two persons are together, are truly connected ...nothing could go wrong. It is about being together!

In the same time, what we see in therapy it is that having a good sexual life is tightly connected to having a good emotional connection to our partner. And usually, the relational not that functional patterns appear in sexual life, as well.

With all these beeing said, I encourage you to take a more closer look at your sexual life or sexual pattern, whether you're in a long term relationship or casual/short term relationships.

If you want to work on your sexual fulfillment, you can find more details in contact section!

I like the word that sexual life it is the mirror of the emotional connection between 2 partners.

As a good friend of mine, psychotherapist also, would say: Is not all...but it us a big part of it. And an important mirror of our emotional life!

What does your mirror say about your emotional connection with your partner?

Would be curious to hear more about this in the comment section, if you feel like sharing!

There are still a lot to share on this topic, yet I'd like first to know more what would be of interest for most of the people I'm connected to.