Sex life in long term relationships

I hope to offer a different perspective on sex, in general, but also in long term relationships.

The literature is full of that but maybe few realise it. Sex is not about penetrating. Sex is a game...is the adult play, how I like to call it. Is that moment of profound vulnerability and connection in which you let yourself discovered exactly the way you are, with all your senses. That time, when you're living for yourself, not for the other! That time when you're not chasing for a goal, but having the deepest connection you can have, with yourself and that follows a perfect syncronization with the other person.

It is not about penetrating, it is not about performing, it is not about satisfying yourself or the other person, but it is about showing yourself as you are...playing and dicovering yourself, while the other is playing and discovering himself.

It is a game of delaying and creating pleasure. It is a game of senses, but also of feeling. It is a game of trust. Because first of all, it needs trust.

We all need a lot of trust to be ourselves

The trust that we are liked and accepted the way we are. The trust that we can ourselves.

And there's a more evolutinary aspect to this. Man like to hunt. And women like to be hunted, chased. Therefore....when making love, you build up the attraction, especially in long term relationships.

In short term relationship, attraction usually goes by default, or so it seems. As it happens more naturally...due to distance, or due to fantezies, or due to the mistery, the unexpected.

But in long term relationships, attraction is built up...I like this wording: that the foreplay starts as soon as the previous sex play is over. And this is how it is.

Of course, when having small kids, things are a bit more complicated and time is very short...so all these faces get subsequent quite fast and it's hard to make room or grant the necessary time. But that can be turned into a foreplay, into a game. A game of chasing, a game of beeing seen...Amd that requires sometimes, humor, sometimes...just moving on, sometimes just going with the flow...tasting it until you catch the smell of it, especiallt if it has been a long time.

But it does not mean giving up. It means having it a priority or one of them. As it is one of the things that bonds us ...sometimes the only play we still have access to, as adults or as parents having kids and a lot of responsibilities. But it is that playfull, that creative part of us...that can get revealed during making love with a dear one.

In the same time, what we see in therapy it is that having a good sexual life is tightly connected to having a good emotional connection to our partner. And usually, the relational not that functional patterns appear in sexual life, as well.

With all these beeing said, I encourage you to take a more closer look at your sexual life or sexual pattern, whether you're in a long term relationship or casual/short term relationships.